Archive for Writing

Poetical technologies …

My pages have been updated – now links, photos etc. are consolidated there. I’m changing my title back after doing a search and finding this name to be claimed by someone else …
and now an unfinished poem, inspired by my uber saturation with social media marketing over the past few days …

tango – ing
twitter – ing
blog post
before my eyes
a spread of
techie cloud computing
conversation effect [affect]
community interface?
all traveling
at bits per second
meta sites …
mini feeds …
micro blogging …

it’s all so …

MIND boggling


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No news is … what?

Can’t believe how fast time goes by. It’s been weeks since my last post here.

Getting into a groove with work and home life. It’s all rather bland right now, but that’s kind of how I wanted it. Taking one thing at a time.

I am going to visit Utica NY next week for the holidays, and spending this weekend with my parents and other relatives, who are coming to the big D suburbs to celebrate.

I’m feeling a bit … dissappointed? Because this blog thing hasn’t turned out to be what I would have liked, mostly because I don’t have a good internet connection at home, so I am not much motivated to write, and write in a public space such as this. I don’t even much write for myself anymore. Mostly I find that I am overwhelmed by the amount of information and media that I come into contact with everyday, that to try to organize my thoughts into any meaningful pattern seem daunting, and often, futile. There are soooo many people out there spewing their thoughts and opinions … it’s impossible to digest it all. Does my tiny drop in that ocean make any difference? Sometimes I feel it doesn’t even make a difference for me …

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Dear Utica

Dear Utica,

My heart is breaking.  Actually, I think it is over, broken, now. The honeymoon is over. I’ve discovered what you’ve been hiding, all while pretending that you were being open, nothing to hide.

How can I express the level of betrayal? I was so naive. My hopes and ambitions for your great potential began to wither and die like grass between concrete cracks in a dry spell … Now I just feel disgusted, alone, trying to find the gems of goodness. A flicker here or there, I go to see what it is, but it is just a fleck of micah in the sidewalk. Nothing to see once up close.

Now I know why people leave, why they run. I wonder if it really is better in other places, or if the ‘real world’ is full of sh*t like you are. 

But I am still here. Maybe I have a morbid need to see this place through to its tragicomic end. The comedy is running thin however. I guess the joke was on me.

When I see through the veneer of lies … I don’t want to look. I want to deny, but it’s compelling, and on some level it all begins to make sense.

The people and places I put my faith in … should I keep trying? Or just look away?

Utica, I’ve lost my sense of humor.

Utica, you broke my heart.

Utica, where everything just spins around, around, around in slow motion. A sad carnival ride … 

Utica, where the sun only shines 90 days a year. Where a hundred languages are spoken. Where the brewery keeps the AA meetings full every day. Where cops are killed and resurrected, over and over. Where fruit trees hide out in public parks. Where the youth stand around and wonder ‘where did the time go?’  Where everyone is an artist of something.

Utica, I love/hate you. 


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Big changes …

My promise to write here has once again fallen flat. The main reason that I have been living transient and off the kindness of others for the past few months, with little internet access (except at work, which I wouldn’t have time to write at anyway).

I’ve had time though to debate with myself the place of public and private on a blog. Seems the lines get blurry. The whole reason a lot of people start blogs is as journals, to share their personal lives. I admit that I started this with a more political, or activist motive. But what have we learned from feminism, if not that the “personal is political”?

I want some things in my life to be public, even if i don’t want to go around to every person I know and tell them about my pain, shame, joy or enlightenment….

So I’ll let you in on some of it right here, because if I haven’t seen you or spoken to you, or if you’ve read this blog in the past and don’t even know who I am, you still might want to know.

I’ll spare you the big long stories.

Here’s what’s been goin’ down.

My husband (of ten months) and I left the land and are now separated. We’ve had 1 and a half great years together.  I’m in a really confusing, weird space with this.

My precious kitty died of pneumonia last week while I was on vacation. We had three wonderful years together.

I just got back from an awesome trip with my best friend in the world. We went on a road trip out west, finally making it to our final destination of Sedona AZ for a few days.

I just got my first tarot deck.

I’m living with some friends – probably the fifth place I’ve lived in the past three months. Looking for an apartment, but also contemplating leaving upstate.

I’m on an allergy elimination diet per my ND.  Starts out with taking all wheat, gluten (oats, barley, rye), dairy, corn, peanuts, tomatoes, potatoes, refined sugar and juice out of the diet and then slowly reintroducing it. So I am ovo-veg right now, but only organic eggs.

Maybe someday I will get back to writing the real stuff I meant to when I started here.  

Thanks for everyone’s support!



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Another Unpublished Letter

Surfing some new Vegan websites I am reminded of another letter to the editor (the last one was for closing the tragedy called the Utica Zoo) that I submitted on behalf of local animals, that again didn’t make it. But we keep writing.
This one is about horse racing, to the editor of The Observer-Dispatch (Utica NY):

Dear Editor,

I am glad to see that Vernon Downs had to cancel yet another horse race. The public is obviously wising up to the fact that animal racing is cruel and antiquated, as evidenced by the track’s financial losses. People just don’t want to participate in this cruel sport.
Every year, about 800 racehorses sustain a fatal injury on the track, and thousands more sustain serious injury on the racetrack but are forced to continue racing. Those that are “spent” are euthanized or sold to slaughterhouses to make glue and pet food. The industry itself is corrupt and animals are bred solely for certain ‘desirable’ traits which actually weaken the horses and make them more susceptible to injury.
Animals are not ours to use for entertainment. Let’s set an example in the Mohawk Valley by continuing to shut down Vernon Downs and look for other ways to generate revenue in our beautiful region. Please boycott local horse racing.

Thank you.

Sort of funny story is that right after I submitted this letter, I was actually interviewing for a position in the newsroom when the managing editor who recieves these letters walked in. I introduced myself and watched the lightbulb go on as he made sounds of recognition. Now we just have to start printing them, Mr. D!

Speaking of Zoos, The Sun Magazine has some great articles right now about this sorry institution. Some very good points are raised in the feature article by Derrick Jensen. I don’t see how anyone can argue now that zoos are in anyway ‘natural’ or that they serve some purpose of education for our youth.

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Back into it …

At this point it would be easy for me to throw up my hands ands say “i’m just not a blogger” or “I’m just not a writer.” I’ve let small obstacles get in my way or writing anything consistently, perhaps hiding the fact that I just don’t put the effort in to say what I want to say , post the interesting things I want to post, and in general laziness.
As a brief chronicle of life though, this will serve as an update. Last Friday I was admitted to the hospital and stayed there until Tuesday to treat Ulcerative Colitis … [an auto immune disease whereby the lining of the colon is chronically inflamed] … long story short this is a ‘diagnosis’ that I’ve had for seven years, on meds for six and then actively trying to ‘heal’ myself for the past year, sans pharmaceuticals. While I have made much progress, I ended up in the hospital with the inflammation having spread to my entire colon and a warning that letting it go again could drastically increase my chance of cancer- very painful and scary indeed.
Needless to say, I’m taking the drugs again if only to save my life. I am working out alternative therapies to use in conjunction with the drugs so I don’t have to take as many in the long run. Again I am truly blessed to have such a support system and network of healers and listeners around me – friends and family. All the doctors that I saw were very respectful of my right to choose or refuse treatment and I received excellent care at the hospital I stayed at, even though I didn’t have insurance.
In all, the experience created a space of completion and ‘what’s next’ … Just another wake up call that I can’t afford to live my life without active participation, and that I get to say how it’s going to go. I’m not a victim of circumstance but can create an environment that will help me succeed in the ‘face of’ those circumstances.

New Books/reading materials:
(obviously I went on a B&N binge)
Adbusters #74
Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda
Studying about Tara (the female incarnation of the Buddha)
The Gaia Project 2012 by Hwee-Yong Jang
Still working on Don Juan Road to Ixtlal

Writing –
Article submitted to, but I haven’t seen it up there yet … keep checking for me!
Business plan for bulk herb and tea shop??
– this would be my dream come true right now-

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I’ve been trying to post my favorite photo from the wedding, but the image is too big right now. You may be able to see it on my about page though…
Life right now is bare realities and essentials. Living without a phone and tiny fridge space forces you to simultaneously simplify and expand. It’s all about getting back to grounding right now and getting things in order … grounding physically, emotionally and mentally. As far as writing right now I am grasping at a way to focus on a theme or do something that will keep me inspired week after week to write about here in this space, Of course I am hoping for more time now that all the pre-wedding stuff is over, now its just taking care of the post-nuptial stuff.
People ask, “How’s married life,” or “Do you feel different?” … I have to say yes and no to the latter. Now there is the security, but at times it almost occurs as resignation, like “this is what I have for the rest of my life.” Sometimes that same phrase occurs as a great thing, other times not-so-great. Part of why I chose (yes, chose) to marry N at this point was the realization that I, as an individual, am going to choose the same relationship and create the same circumstance whomever I am with and that I am only fooling myself by changing the faces and names of those people I am with. Part of me had to face myself and how I be in relationship. Plus I know I will never ever be bored with N and things are continually a discovery or challenge with us – the last thing I want is to be comfortable! It’s always an opportunity to grow, and that’s why we decided to do the “I do.” (though we never said those words in the ceremony.)
till next time …

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