Archive for April, 2009

‘I couldn’t stop smiling’

Hey ya’ll been out of communicado, mainly b/c of convienence, lack therof [trying to fix my laptop] and also … not sure how personal I want to get on here, because I never know who’s reading! It’s not that I have things to hide about my life, but more that I worry about hurting someone’s feelings unknowingly … 

So anyway, want to share this experience I had a few weeks ago when I attending a Krishna Das devotional singing ‘concert’ w my friend Angera from work … this excerpt is from a note I wrote to an old friend …

I’m having experiences of a similar ‘divine grace’ through music recently … last night I attended a devotional singing ‘concert’ – called kirtan – with Krishna Das [google him if you don’t know]. I’m going to give you a little bit of background of where I am at in my life at this moment: I ended a six-month long-distance relationship about six weeks ago; met someone new and interesting via internet site [veggiedate] who inspires me in many ways to better myself; around the same time as meeting this person [nay, as a result of meeting this person!], I starting going to 12-step meetings for love/sex addiction to address my cyclical, destructive patterns in regard to relationships [if you’re not sure what that means, think AA, but the drug is love/relationships/sex instead of alcohol]; out of this I decided my top priorities are 1)building a positive relationship to self and 2) building a relationship with a Higher Power; I started meditating, working out consistently etc. So that’s the set up….
Two days ago, while meditating, I realized that I never trusted myself that I could have a direct experience of GOD – always looked for mediation, or turned away; I decided that I would have a direct experience of GOD, that is my goal.

So, Last night I attended this kirtan. It’s a call and response. all the words are in Hindu, different names for GOD – hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare, om nama shivaya etc. But the point is that it is a meditation; as and english-speaker, there is not much ‘meaning’ attached to these words. So you sing them over and over and over and over with a hundred other people and the experience is love, bliss, happiness from GOD and from WITHIN.

I couldn’t stop smiling.

I have done this chanting before, but I really ‘got’ it at this moment in that temple with the vibrations of GOD’s VOICE resonating through these human vocal chords.

OM

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Also would like to share this image. It’s from a shoot I did yesterday and I think it’s fabulous. Makes me feel like a flower  😀 

Fairy Face

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Mystery of flesh

Here is a poem I can never get enough of. I listened to Bjork’s beautiful, soulful musical rendition of thi the poem this morning ….

I Will Wade Out
E. E. Cummings

i will wade out
till my thighs are steeped in burning flowers
I will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
Alive
with closed eyes
to dash against darkness
in the sleeping curves of my body
Shall enter fingers of smooth mastery
with chasteness of sea-girls
Will i complete the mystery
of my flesh
I will rise
After a thousand years
lipping
flowers
And set my teeth in the silver of the moon

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studying stones

Another song that’s been in my head today …
Studying Stones by Ani Difranco

studying stones
i am out here studying stones
trying to learn to be less alive
using all of my will
to keep very still
still even on the inside
i’ve cut all of the pertinent wires
so my eyes can’t make that connection
i am holding my breath
i am feigning my death
when i’m looking in your direction

‘course numb is an old hat
old as my oldest memories
see that one’s my mother
and that one’s my father
and that one in the hat, that’s me
it’s a skill i’d hoped to abandon
when i got out on the open road
but any more pent up emotion
and i think i’m gonna explode

there’s never been an endeavor so strange
as trying to slow the blood in my veins
to keep my face blank
as a stone that just sank
until not a ripple remains
i am high above the tree line
sitting cross legged on the ground
when all of the forbidden fruit has fallen and rotted
that’s when i’m gonna come down

‘course numb is an old hat
old as my oldest memories
see that one’s my mother
and that one’s my father
and that one in the hat, that’s me
it’s a skill i’d hoped to abandon
when i got out on the open road
but any more pent up emotion
and i think i’m gonna explode

WORDS AND MUSIC BY ANI DIFRANCO

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Postal Service

I resort to posting songs & lyrics when my own words seem inadequate …

Just watch the video …

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