First off, I want to congratulate David Dancy on his post at Life & Times of Utica writing features for them. David, I am duly impressed and proud at how far you have come. I just read your front page story about Root and it was great, very edifying and concise. You are an inspiration to me in your “dogged determination” and confidence. Keep it up!
I ran into David today outside my work building…. to make a long story short, over the past few weeks I have been going through a flare of a chronic condition, which I believe was brought on by the stress of working full time at this new job, in an unnatural environment. I am feeling a lot better with help from some of my healer friends and my own work on myself (no doctors please!) and this morning was thinking I would go into work and give my two weeks notice – deciding it is not worth sacrificing health and sanity for financial security.
Against that initial judgement though, I will be staying there a bit longer, but now my boss is fully aware and appreciative of my qualms about the state of the office environment (strictly physical – the people there are really great and I have nothing about them) and I requested he look at reducing my hours. This is also partly to allow me to work on writing and doing other things outside of work…. since right now basically my experience is – come home, collapse, eat something, sleep, and be frustrated that I’m not making progress anywhere else. I know that I need to respect my body’s signs to take time for myself and my creative endevours, the energy of which I have not cultivated very much, so at this stage take a lot of energy from me …
It’s difficult to explain the many aspects of this clash between my desire to work for myself and the fear of that same thing. It’s not that being self-employed and being financially successful are mutually exclusive, just that my confidence is not that high right now and I would like to actually repay some debt before incurring more … thus the decision to stay longer in the ‘corporate model.’ Luckily I have plenty of alternative models and supports, including a local woman writer I met a few days ago and a healer friend who is encouraging me to become a yoga instructor and foster my inner entrepreuner.
Needless to say, I feel extremely lucky and supported … it is just up to me when I want to ‘take the plunge.’ Right now I am still on the side of the pool, nervously fixing my cap and goggles, watching the other kids splash and charge through the blue.
My first book – Pre-Press: Life on the Underside – summary: How a struggling writer finds herself starting out in the wrong department of the local newspaper, taking the long way to finally getting published, and proves that the newsroom is not always home to the better bylines.