Archive for March, 2009

I make things

March 27, 2009 · Filed under Radical Crafting, vegan · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I think of myself as a maker. I make things .. all kinds of things. It’s the main way I contribute to life and fulfill certain spiritual needs. Here are some things I’ve made recently (all these pics are from my cell phone, so I apologize if the quality is a little grainy):

breadWhole Wheat Bread (no eggs) – kneading the bread is my favorite part; and eating a toasty piece with peanut butter!

sushi1Veggie Sushi – possibly my favorite food in the world! I was so excited about this dinner I made for myself one night after a hard workout – you can see makings for temaki, brown rice & veggies, vegan miso soup, umeboshi plums, bragg’s and wasabi for dipping, and steamed bok choy. What a spread! yummmm

gauntletThis is half of a pair of exquisite banana silk wrist-warmers I had the privilege of custom-crafting for my best friend in CA. I sent them to her a week ago and glad to say the customer is happy. Thanks for the inspiration and ideas!

Lastly,dream_collage

This is probably the hardest to see and requires the most explanation. This (also inspired by my best friend Adele) is a collage of my dream themes for the past month. You may or may not have read in previous posts that we are engaged in some dreamwork … basically I keep a dream journal – not hard as I have involved, vivid dreams nearly every night. After about a month, I went back through the journal and wrote down what I saw as themes, and then I collaged them. I’m not sure what purpose this serves except to sort of process some of those themes. 

Anyway, some of the themes that came up and are in this collage are: transportation (cars & trains), wandering, family, homes & houses, couches, non-vegan desserts (mainly marshmallows, but I couldn’t find any in the magazines!), movie stars, nature/woods, churches, puppies. Some other abstract themes that I don’t hink I worked into here are: picking up belongings that are left behind, messy rooms, cigarettes (addiction), and basements.  A lot of these things are actually very reality-based for me; also, recognizing that they are all aspects of myself and not some external force in my dreams is important.

Thanks for allowing me to share!

PEACE

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Greening Healthcare …

March 24, 2009 · Filed under Environment · Tagged , , , , , , ,

And … the blog has been silent.  Apologies!

Something I’ve started working on a bit – greening the hospital I work at in Michigan. The hospital is 100 years old, though the building is newer.  Right now it’s a far cry from LEED-certified.  For now, I’m going to post a few links here for anyone who’s interested in what it takes to green healthcare, or business [see below].

Also, I’m interested in any grants – federal or state – to aid in making hospitals more environmentally friendly, or grants for urban gardening, green roofs, LEED etc. We are not a non-profit however, as most hospitals are,  so it may take some extra looking. Should be contacting the DEQ this week …

 

Also, please check out Motherhouse. Not sure the best was to put this, but it’s a retirement home for nuns, in Monroe Michigan. They’ve done an absolutely amazing job turning it into a sustainable, healthy, peace-based community.

Other Web Sites:

    Live Roof (HorTech) – http://www.liveroof.com/

  Michigan Green – http://www.michigangreen.org/index.html

  Michigan Dept. of Natural Resources – http://www.michigan.gov/dnr

  Michigan Dept. of Environmental Quality, Recycling Info – http://www.michigan.gov/deq/0,1607,7-135-3585_4130—,00.html

  Metro Health Hospital, Grand Rapids. The only LEED-certified full service hospital in Michigan – http://www.metrohealth.net/locations/hospital/green-thinking/leed-certification

  SE Michigan Directory of Waste Recycling Companies (20 page PDF) – http://www.michigan.gov/documents/deq/deq-ess-recycling-cwr-semichigan_214702_7.pdf

   Green Earth Technologies – http://www.getg.com/index.php

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True friendship is with the self & serendipity

March 11, 2009 · Filed under Healing · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I feel like I’ve had so many conversations and learned so much about myself since my last post,  five days ago.

Most recently – fifteen minutes ago I got off the phone with my good friend, Sarah, that I met through Landmark {she’s pretty much been a mentor for me through some of my hardest times over the past four years}… she has an amazing listening for clarity and is able to discern what I am trying to say, with no judgement, no matter how badly I might be saying it … but anyway

After catching up a bit, we started talking about my ‘relationship issues’ – {mainly I am writing this here as a journal so that I don’t forget – there’s a chance this may get too personal for you in which case, skip to another post or site!!} – here is the clarity I gained from that conversation:

1) I have one truly awesome and amazing friendship where I have total freedom, intimacy (not sexual!), exploration, and true commitment – I can’t imagine anything tearing us apart, it’s just unquestionable that we will be there for each other, forever – that is my best friend who’s living in CA.

2) Why don’t I have that with anyone else? Because I settle. and maybe because I don’t believe I can have/deserve to have that great relationship with anyone else.

3) Put sex into the equation and I become dependent, needy, and lose my sense of self. I think the other person only likes me because they are ‘getting something’ from me. (Why? this is another exploration. For now I will simply acknowledge this.)  In the past, I have given up my time, sleep, health, my sense of confidence in myself as I become more dependent.

4) I have been avoiding a ‘real relationship’ or dating or whatever even though it is a natural inclination for me because I know these things about myself and want to be able to retain my power, even in a sexual relationship — I am cautious to enter into that space because I ‘know’ what happens and the perceived loss of control

However, it doesn’t always have to go that way – just because it has in the past for me.

5) What’s missing is for me to [consistenly] acknowlege my own greatness [and not push away that acknowledgement when it comes from others]; and ….

Ok I’m stuck here but I’m going to talk to Sarah again Saturday to go further with this.

In one part of the conversation, Sarah brought me back to when I first met Adele, my best friend, to see that instantaneous, almost coincidental meeting and connection we had, and to realize that I have, as recently as a few months ago, had this instantaneous connection with one other person. Of course the depth of what I’ve created with Adele over the years – we’ll have to see if that is duplicated (there I go being cautious again!)

*Sigh*

I am creating a life where I am stable, happy, independent and creating a framework, support network for that is the challenge.

Comments always welcomed.  I feel this topic/post is incomplete and may add to it later…

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oh the mayhem

March 6, 2009 · Filed under Animal Rights, Healing, The Day to Day · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I keep planning on writing and then spending hours surfing Model Mayhem instead … sheesh. It’s weirdly addictive and probably unhealthy …

But anyway. Couple of things. I wanted to say that the day after I posted the item about PCRM protesting U of M’s use of animals for trauma training .. I was driving in my car and heard on NPR that UofM agreed to stop using live animals!!! Yaay! I was so escstatic I think I actually cheered.

On to the more real to life stuff.  I have been feeling up and down, overall rather depressed lately.  Main reason being that my most recent romantic relationship is over. I mean, I ended it, at the end of a perfectly ‘normal’ and even delightful weekend trip. Even I was not quite expecting it, but I just thought “It can’t go on like this.”  “Like this” is my being totally ambivalent and at times quite dissatisfied, but rationalizing why I should stay in. In the end, I really needed to be back with myself. Which is what I wanted in the first place, six months ago … [the sad part is, he didn't even protest, fight, try to convince me otherwise. Then, we might've had a chance. ]

UPDATE 3/11: A few days later, EXbeau called me to finally tell me how he really felt. What a relief to hear the anger, sadness, etc. for real! We had a great conversation and cried with each other, and at the end came out as friends. I feel good about that. I think it was a new experience for him, and we both got to learn something about ourselves …

UPDATE 3/20: EXbeau and I are not talking.

This is nothing new. I’m really trying to pay attention to the patterns here. I’m someone who has hardly been single since practically the 6th grade when I was kissed on the cheek on the monkey bars… Though I would say I generally am a confident person, I have long defined at least part of myself by my partners.  This is the part that is difficult. I really begin to view my propensity to pair up as an addiction cycle.  It’s like, just when I am feeling most alone, sad, whatever, I can usually find someone who will not only listen but take me away, at least temporarily from that pain. I catch myself going there again and again. I have to stop and tell myself that I have a choice, how could I constructively focus that energy on myself and not on another person?

I don’t think that hiding from pain and lonliness is what I should be doing anymore. Besides, I’m so cynical now from all my ‘failed’ relationships, it’s hard for me to rejoice in the midst of a potentially happy, magical, loving one.

Some of the things I’ve been doing to keep myself ’sober’ – on the relationship fast, if you will – are swimming (I got a gym membership and loving it!); writing; working on my two current creative persuits: modeling and crafting. They jockey for position, right now the modeling is primary, but I think that crafting will get me more in touch with myself again. I’m hoping to try some collage along with some dreamwork that my Best Friend and I have been sharing …

That’s it for now… Thanks for tuning in to my world!!

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