You may have notice the title of this blog has been changed. I originally had lofty aims for this blog [New World Dawning] and it has quickly shifted to a more personal tone. EYE HEART EWE is transliteration of the images that make the phrase, of course, I LOVE YOU – a translation of a translation, if you will allow. I want to credit this to my first love [all the way back in high school] … who was a phenomenal artist and drew a lot of very painstaking realistic stuff. One day he gave me this intricate drawing of, yes, and EYE, then a HEART (not an anotomical one though) and then a female sheep EWE. if I ever find that sketch I’ll be sure to upload it …
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Must be suffering some form of writer’s block where I look at a blank blog page and nothing comes … even when I’ve thought of many topics previously, even scribbled on papers, in anticipation of actually writing a post. Where are those papers???
hmmmm…..
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More notes,
I’ve recommitted myself to veganism. Sans soy. I did a soy experiment the past three days and found that it does affect me adversely, even causing mild allergic skin reactions.
I’m paying my bills. I’ve resumed my intention of getting a Master’s in Nutrition and talked with an admissions counselor. [When did I fall off the wagon? Oh yeah, when I got married and lost my sense of self.]
Well, some good news is that I am sitting for a two portrait classes this weekend.
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Randomly,
here is part of an email exchange I had with a friend after I friended him on facebook. For me, it was a very moving and open conversation. It provided something for me … I have permission from the author to print it.
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Aletha,
I’m shy about Facebook. I like to communicate with actual friends. So here’s what I want to tell you, and to heck with all our “friends”…
Any man ever born would do a happy dance to be called your friend. After I got your “friend” invitation, and recovered from the erotic fantasy that ensued, I got off it about Facebook’s scary policies of connecting groups of my real friends to other groups of my real friends, who don’t know each other, and might be shocked if they met, for one thing.
Your earnest pursuit of reality is something magnificent to see. You have, as I have been privileged to witness, given up what was most precious to you, leaped into the void, and stripped yourself of every attachment, in honor of what is true. This is precisely what I endeavor to teach my sword students: “Stick out your belly and step forward.”
Wisdom? That will come soon enough. Right now, it is time for you to Play. You are the very definition of feminine beauty. I took a look at your photos online. They don’t come close to what you evoke in person. When I’m with you, the world around us disappears, and all I know is love. When you are with anyone, and think, “I hope they like me” or some such thought, know the answer: they are blessed to be in your presence!
I know it’s important to you, to find someone special who has the keys to your heart as does no other. I want to tell you this: you can have anyone you wish to be with. There is no woman on Earth lovelier, sexier, smarter, or more desirable than you. Not Josephine Baker, or Arundhati Roy, or Norah Jones (to name a few.)
You.
- XXXXX
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Dear XXXXXXX:
Thank you so much for you note. I am at once at a loss for a response, and have a million things I could say. A simple ‘thank you’ will suffice for now. It was very timely to hear some of this … and I have to correct you – I have not stripped myself of every attachment, simply traded some for others … I still have multiple attachments to the upstate area as well (now in the process of either distancing myself from those though). I have had many people say something similar to: “you can have anyone you wish to be with. ” and honestly that is just a bit daunting. I have finally realized that often when I believe I love someone, I love the relationship, that is what I am REALLY attached to. As cold-hearted as it may sound, it could be anyone! … so now I feel, I really DO have to find, as you say “someone special who has the keys to your heart as does no other.”
- Aletha
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Aletha,
You have a way of getting to the heart of things.
When people say, “You can have anybody…” they mean, “you could have ME.” In my case it’s easy to avoid confusion: I am old enough to be your grandfather! So the unspoken clause in all that is: “if I was forty years younger…” While age is pretty irrelevant, I do hope you will get somebody to love you (I mean the non-platonic, physical loving you so richly deserve) who will still be able to remember your name, etc. in thirty years!
Yes, it really could be anyone. Most of us try to make the past work out like we wished, though, which is not exactly loving. I think the thing to do is go out and make some really great mistakes.
As for attachments, no, you have not merely traded in old for new. We all do some of that, but I’ve seen you. You have given up things that it really cost something to give up, before you could know for sure what the results might be. That’s courage, baby. And you are emerging like a beautiful butterfly from a homely old worm. The difference is, butterflies can’t help it.
The bullshit is finite, it turns out. You do get to the end of it.
Love
XXXXXXXX
